PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
One of my adult fears has been that people will not actually like me as a person, while that may sound like a strange affliction for a person to have, after suffering from a stammer in my young life, it is merely one of the many conversations I have with myself on a daily basis, that explore the way I actually feel about the opportunities I accept and those that I allow to float on by.
My procrastination in writing this article for example, originated from my thoughts on whether being involved in the past three issues of Led Creatives’ News Letter (and contemplating being in this one) the fourth!. Would that create over exposure and be seen as an annoyance! to you the reader?. It is a left over aversion that I experience in which I constantly question myself with doubts of my ability to be me when I most want to be.
I am not a natural performer in that I am not a public speaker, the artist that I am; I have created a visual language, a vocabulary through image – where procrastination and action are actually part of the creative and viewing process. With the narration of the story being the natural processes that appear all around us, the natural cycle of the landscapes in which support life.
We are not built for modern living without burning out in our 40’s, maybe traditionally this is the time in life you realise what is really important to you and the fragility of existence has never been so close to us. Indigenous peoples of the Amazon rain forest say ‘does the white man not know? Without tree’s we will not have rain!’.
I have always been a deep thinker but never really saw myself as the type to put my thoughts in to paragraph (even to doubt I can write coherently! at all). I have accepted that the act of exhibiting the works I create, as physically putting myself out there on the wall to be appreciated or criticised for what I do and who I am (these things are intrinsically combined) but I am satisfied that I am doing what comes most naturally to me and my curiosity for knowledge and understanding. To help improve my mental well-being and I hope to share that benefit with others too.
I see procrastination myself as a positive attribute to have as an artist, because if you stand still long enough the path of least resistance will actually be the path you should naturally follow. This might sound alien, much of education/work focus on continuous growth of product and self at the expense of quality of life to be living (being who you are and not your job).
Your well-being is equally important as a for-filling career, to be a successful human being and this is why as a visual artist, I want to impact mood and health through colour and abstract imagery. In context best experienced in places of work and in our homes – anywhere that the stresses of life can take control over our personal interactions with others. Giving positive mental health a physical presence in the room inspired by nature. This is why I had to swap my career for a calling.
I have learnt there is actually a name for these conversations within myself, Imposter Syndrome. It effects up to 75% of people in society and shares common links with Anxiety and Depression. The more we understand this and share universal experience the less we will feel like imposters and just be true to ourselves, relieving the imposters grip upon us, it is something I have wrestled against just to write this!.
It is something I have had with me for as long as I can remember, but only recently did I understand this impact and ways to combat the barriers that have been holding me back from telling the story of what I want to be told during the last 20 years (why is that important?). Well it’s not something seen upon the surface of things but witnessed as a singularity event. Contemplating life and death, isn’t that what art has always been about?
(Appeared in: Led Creative’s News Letter / July 2020).